I have wanted NOTHING more than to fix us and move forward and be the great couple we have always been, but he seems to be all over the place and completely blames me for the problems in our marriage that lead to his affair. The only fog he appeared to have was to think she was an innocent party. Its funny you said those 2 options bc during our argument the other day he said something like we will never get past this unless you see it my way, or something like that. Or stop him from cheating. I dont know where his head is right now, I dont know if hes leaning towards divorce, but I do think hes still talking to original OW and im sure she pushed that. I need to TRY to just be positive and focus on ME and the baby, and stop focusing EVERY WAKING MOMENT on what hes feeling and how bad this situation feels. It sounds like your h is irresponsible and immature because he acts like a selfish overgrown toddler. I just let him know the facts do not add up. I phoned a friend who had worked there and knew this woman. See where it goes. He was going to fix it. I win! I think the issues stem the fact that he thought that because we were in contact we were still in a relationship. WebMany of the symptoms of midlife crisis are due to hormonal imbalances that can cause anxiety or depression. And Im not saying my confrontation w/my H stopped his A at DDay2. Even though I know right now I have every right to if I want to, to see if im being lied to and kick his ass out, but I just am again, TRYING to stick to this 180, and if I can stick to it and somehow show him with my actions that I am doing my own thing, maybe he will become curious. I asked him if he would be willing to go, and he said yes. I dont know a normal timeframe, I dont know if there is one. I played along b/c I had no $ to my name. Instead I stayed calm all the way through and tried to think rationally and now im still in this situation, completely unsure of our future. For context, I cheated and my wife and I worked through it. I know there is no right way to do this, but gosh I feel like my life is just in SUCH limbo I dont even know if I should invite him places or tell him plans I have as far as this weekend bc im just so afraid of pushing him away. 3. He definitely has some sort of deep psychological issue ADD, ADHD or bipolarism. Join us as we explore the real struggles of midlife health, and learn how to 3 Signs of a Midlife Crisis Coming to an End - What to get Your advice is great and its so right. But the cheater continues to push us away. He was still cheating. And I wonder if your H isnt trying for the same thing. Wow! She doesnt trust him. First he stayed bc I had a bad cold and he helped through the night with the baby for 2 nights. And I think there is a reason things have changed so suddenly. You told him the lifestyle he wants isnt fair. That is why I say As are like addictions. Now you are just trying to co-exist and live peacefully. I am DETERMINED to be happy with or without him, but I would be MUCH HAPPIER with him. Theres loss of your family life. He encourages you to go out and he will stay home, but yet does not want to stay home with you and your baby. Shortly after I found an organization that tries to help save marriages. Three weeks before my mother died ( yes this went on for over 7 months) I called his last whore and my husband was such an ass all he could say was he lied he lied he lied while this whore screamed at him all the things he said about me he NEVER wanted me to hear he just lied she didnt she opened my eyes to the POS my husband chose to be after the (truth phone call) call my husband bawled his eyes out that night in his recliner . We live as roommates. Unfortunately, hed driven the damage to hell and back before I got the resolve to take it away. We were both really mad. No! Why? It has been two years and I feel like my own fog is finally starting to lift. I can tell from what you have posted you truly understand this is all his doing. He keeps saying that he was telling people I was still his girlfriend but that does not make sense. During that time we have experienced so many of the topics in this blog like gaslighting. Your request he seek counseling is the right choice. I am trying so hard to stay busy to make him wonder what im up to, but its just exhausting me to feel like I always have to be gone when he gets home, or be doing things. After I found out, I told him it was over and served him with separation papers because Ive been through this before and he never disconnects fully from women who he engages with. And I dont know what I will do bc I will be absolutely devastated. You need to get him to see that he disrespects you. And he would be nice for a few days and then it would start again. You cant have your husband cheating plus calling all the shots!! Think of the affair like an addiction. Please know it is typical cheater behavior. After a couple of months, if theyre still continuing the affair and in the fog, you have to start changing your behavior somehow. I agree most of us BSs would probably love a do over. Just letting you know I know when things dont add up. K. You are doing fine!!! And that week he just seemed to be so distraught, texting me non stop, telling me how scared he was about everything, how hes not ready to divorce, etc. But the minute I pull away, he gets a little scared. And you nailed it when you said the drug thing. You need to be prepared b/c you have a baby. Its so much pain. You have done everything possible you have tried discussing it. I dont know if there is one OW or more (or any). I am just SO NERVOUS about the next bomb dropping being him saying its finally time for a D for real this time. At that time, 18 months ago, He walked into rehab wanting to win his wife back and he walked out with a girlfriend. You tried everything else. I wish you could get out of this nightmare somehow. The fog has a powerful hold on the CS. I do not get it. You have heard all the same stuff we all have. Dopamine, I was in your position but my H had affsir fog for 6 months and was going to leave me. I absolutely do NOT want to divorce him, I love him more than anything, but I just dont even know this person right now sometimes. Next begins a repeated internal dialog of the rationalizations over and over again in their minds. Half of room and board and fees and semesters abroad and books etc. doing everything right and he has justified absolutely everything, and he seems like he could care less that im asking him to leave. That new love attraction or high. No caring respectable H does that and I would venture to say the OW has been lurking in your M the past few months. But he had already ended the A. I dont know if my D him had any impact b/c he could have taken that opportunity to leave me to be with the OW (or anyone else for that matter) but he chose to stay. I lived with that for 6 long hard painful months. I never told you I would leave you because you were in an affair. I didnt even think about the possibility of her having an affair. Midlife Crisis And I know that, its just near impossible not to. Which isnt true. You need to know WHO is leaving the house, you need to have a plan on some custody and visitation schedules, etc. I never ever reached out to him again I ignored all his calls and emails to avoid any more lies I did not inform his wife I just couldnt do it she seemed so happy with her kid and him and I just didnt know what to do I feel bad I was lies to I never ever ever would date a married man not only did he say he was divorced for years he said he hopes to find the perfect woman for him and said I hope she exists and that he had not dated in a long time But I never told him I knew something told me she would maybe believe him and he would just lie to her about who I was but my god Im so happy I searched and looked into it asap within 3 months ! It peaked my suspicion enough that I went to the cell store and asked for as far back as they could go with detailed logs. Hes proven hes a big liar and a cheat. But had you left you would not have had to watch the affair continue for years. It kills me every, single, day. You can only change how you react to him. In reality he was seeing the OW again and he did not believe he needed it. However that should not stop you from insisting he sign some type of an agreement that will have him pay child support for his children for as long as necessary. You are not forgetting. midlife Friday Facts And Features Midlife It Ah yes, the affair fog. And I probably made it worse because every time he did something bad, and we fought I would really blast him and make him more insecure. And when I do that I can always tell he gets a little curious. Which makes me think hes still slightly in the fog. Years ago I could barely make it through an hour without crying. He wont put in the work on the follow-up things were supposed to be doing. Its all an excuse for him. The fog was so thick. Just know you cannot change him. He doesnt want your help. Am I making myself too available? c. You also tell him that you have noticed that the two of you are on two different paths. Now I dont even know him. I have changed to be a better me and am looking after my self a lot better. Creston If you dont do it now you will have given up your power to him. He wouldnt show me his phone but said hes absolutely not speaking to her and hasnt in almost a month. He still is at the bar everyday after work and comes home at night. Free therapy advice that could save your sanity. Right on the heels of the PA was an EA with a very young girl. You might want to have that talk with him and explain with the situation the way it is she may begin to think its normal to be miserable because one parent is conflicted and cannot seem to grow up Just dont put your life on hold for him anymore You are better than that and so is your daughter! But lied about it and snuck around. Its been a few weeks since ive written. Let him start to see you are taking your power back. Everytime I start getting over that feeling and starting to love him again, he accuses me of cheating, I get angry and irritated and I go find comfort in someone else. I had to call the OW to find out the truth and what was going on. This was the day after he told me that he wants to come back to bursa, that he never intended to leave here and go to her. I have seen this scenario many times w/ my friends. The damage has been done. Trying to win him back. He is destroying a family but then again he doesnt care. ???? Im so much better than this. Thank you SO MUCH for your response. How do people turn this situation around? He is going out MUCH more lately, out until 2am, even though he will text me and say hes on his way home, and then not get home until hours later. A cheater. am i answering his texts the right way?.All things I NEVER cared about before. He needed to be shown the door. Its my thinking that gets me so upset. He talks about how he wants to do all these adventurous things and he doesnt want to be held back, but hes not doing anything like that. But I just feel like ive been CONSTANTLY given the shit end of the stick. Its like im just here, I just exist and as long as he can come home to see the baby and feel like im still around, then he feels good to live whatever life he wants. We were fine. Once they truly hit bottom, Once I finish the book I plan to discuss a game plan with our adult children. And I know THIS isnt what I want for my life, whatever it is he is doing. And there was nothing I could do. Great! Because it is not a M. Thats for sure. Im in the early stages of affair fog- my H started to act weird start of November, secret calls and text, late nights usual stuff I got our phone bill saw a number didnt know and searched on Facebook the girl he claimed to be just friends with, I approached him he denied I kicked him out he had no where to go he went and moved in with her only known her over a month living together he has admitted the affair..
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